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We have moved.
Sun, 13 Apr 2008 16:59:00 +0000 Follow me to the NEW blog, by clicking on the box! The Way of Cats BlogIt's not easy moving a blog, but it's much easier than moving house, I think I can say that now.Just click on the name of a post (at right, in the red gadget) to get started!Follow me to the NEW blog, The Way of Cats Blog.Where I will continue to offer my LATEST CAT ADVICE. |
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Cats Don't Get Along: Bad Beginnings
Fri, 11 Apr 2008 01:28:00 +0000 The number one concern in multiple cat households, and the trepidation point in acquiring more, is how the cats will get along together. Whether we already have a problem, or simply fear developing one, we need to understand the cat dynamics of friendship and antagonism so we can guide our cat civilization towards harmony.Cats are social creatures, but it's not such a strong imperative that it will overcome all barriers. Cats can need help in seeing the advantages of living with other cats; even if they are only advantages that we have to create and nurture.see more crazy cat picsThe roots of this antagonism can be inadvertently planted by our own actions. Inadequate introductions is the cause of much cat friction. Cats have a finely tuned sense of their territorial responsibilities and obligations. A cat suddenly appearing in their territory is obviously up to no good.Remember, to cats, the unknown is always something they prefer to avoid. The unknown has to hang around, neutrally, long enough for their curiosity to overcome their trepidation. Then they will feel confident enough to investigate and come to new conclusions.If we decide that we have botched our introductions, we can, especially if the relationship is at an early stage, reintroduce the cats in question. Let the newer cat have a room to themselves, and let the more established cat explore the relationship at their own pace. This will defuse tensions, let each cat have a breathing space, and smooth out wrinkles instead of pounding them into the cat relationship.Rushed introductions are likely to trigger trouble between two adults, but any cat under sufficient stress is going to be that much more sensitive to how they will regard new cats. First impressions are important. Misunderstandings, allowed to fester, will only increase the stress.To defuse what has become an uncomfortable situation, we need to make sure our impression of what the cats are doing to and with each other is the right one. Sometimes we can be surprised that the cat we thought was being the victim was actually annoying the other cat until the annoyed one gets physical.Getting an accurate picture of the behaviors that are contributing to the problem is vital. Once we have sorted out a better picture of what is going on, we must be the Boss of Cat Town. We must support the cat who needs support and retrain the cat who needs retraining.So when we see the two cats start to circle each other, growl, puff their tails, or otherwise show displeasure, we sweet talk the cat who needs support, We tell the one who started it that we want everyone to get along. If both cats start it, we praise a cat, dog, or human who does get along, even if that being is not present. Their name will remind the two cats who are angry at each other just what behavior we like.Then we let the cats think of something else. If the problem is still at the lashing tail stage, but no one is growling, we can distract them with a toy or a treat that they have to both eat together or not at all. The key is to shape the behavior we want, in way that will not add stress to the cats.Disperse cats eager to mix it up with a spritz of plain water. This will impress upon them that it isn't worth it.Try ways of bringing down the stress level in the house with Feliway aromatherapy, catnip parties, playing soft music and singing along, anything that lets the cats have shared moments of happiness.That's the only way the cats are going to change their minds about each other. If there are better memories, and rewards for getting along, that will crowd out the bad feelings they have about each other.----Got here from a Link or Search?There's more to The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See my LATEST CAT ADVICE. |
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Ten Ways Cats are Better Than Dogs
Tue, 08 Apr 2008 23:23:00 +0000 A fan let me know how much she liked a previous post where I explained what to do about a person's objections to having a cat. She was happy to hear someone "dispelling the myths" about cats.Then I ran across this post: where someone said I Hate Cats | Cats and Kittens: She’s obviously got pre-conceived notions and I don’t think anything I said would have made the slightest difference.Often, dog and cat fans defend their love of dogs by denigrating the others choice of pet. Far too often, cats have the deck stacked against them. Someone can say they don't like cats, and half the room might agree. Someone can say they don't like dogs, and they lose the whole room.Because, it must be admitted, there are at least ten ways cats are better than dogs.see more crazy cat pics10: Cats like to be clean and tidy. Dogs, don't.9: Cats don't need to be walked.8: Cats arrive already litter trained.7: Dogs chew apart sofas. Cats are capable of disassembling small devices. Just not putting them back together again. Your odds of reassembly are far better with a cat.6: Cats leave their vomit around, true. Dogs eat theirs, and throw it up again.5: People need to take classes to learn how to train the dog. Cats will gladly train us.4: Cats leave our crotches alone.3: Cats leave our guests' crotches alone.2: A cat might do a "Chuck Berry" across the floor when we entertain our future mother-in-law. But a dog might dig used underwear out of the hamper and drop them in her lap.And, number one:1: A cat can be spoiled.Spoiling dogs is a tricky business. Dogs need authority as much as they need affection, and many people find this difficult.A pet lover can't do better than a cat. Because cats just get better with spoiling.----Got here from a Link or Search?There's more to The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See my LATEST CAT ADVICE. |
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Cat Affection Move: "The Standby"
Sun, 06 Apr 2008 23:15:00 +0000 How do we pet our cats with respect? One great way is to surprise them with "The Standby." This Move of Mutual Respect works for any cat who will let us touch them.We approach the cat while they are standing around, and they might expect us to pick them up. But we do not. (That's the surprise part.)Here we see RJ being petted while all four feet are on the floor. Usually, the cat is standing upright, but RJ often melts when we touch him. I got this just before he rolled over onto his back.It's up to the cat how they react to the Standby. Some, like RJ, will roll around and all but beg us to be picked up anyway. Some will wind around our legs and rub their faces on us. Some will look up at us and enjoy this mutual hug that implies equality, because they are standing upright.That is the beauty of this move. We are standing, or sitting, or kneeling, it doesn't matter. But the cat stays in their position, being embraced and admired while they are also not being babied or swept off their feet.It's not that most cats mind those things. However, they also appreciate this option; being given their independence and autonomy while they are being petted. To understand why that is so, we need to put ourselves in the cat's place for a moment.If we remember that far back, we were once in that position. Our parents or grandparents once were much bigger and taller than we were. Most of the time, it was great to be swept into their arms. But we also appreciated the times they would drop down to a knee, or put us on their lap, and speak to us without the dizzying, disorienting feeling of having our feet off the ground.Also, cats are extremely flexible. They have 30 vertebrae, compared to a human's 26. They have two more lumbar vertebrae, and their spine is designed for leeway, since it does not have to support a human's upright posture. Part of a cat's predatory advantage is the way they can twist and turn. But they like to do this on their own.When a human picks them up, they should be supported at all points, so they won't fear twisting the wrong way and hurting themselves. But we can be even more affectionate when we don't pick them up at all. We avoid any hint that we are more powerful and bigger, even though we are. Emphasizing this is not a form of affection.When we pet with The Standby, we are doing something the cat likes, the way they like it. We can pet any part of them, we can hold their torso and sway it back and forth, we can rub their ears and stroke their tails. But we let them stay where they are, uninterrupted from what they were planning to do.We can enjoy them on their terms. Not ours.That's a great way to show respect.See more cat affection moves.----Got here from a Link or Search?There's more to The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See my LATEST CAT ADVICE. |
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Cat Politics
Fri, 04 Apr 2008 00:57:00 +0000 There is one great advantage we have in developing our relationship with the cats, from which all ease, companionship, and love comes from. We can use Cat Politics.We are the benevolent Boss of Cat Town, and that makes us the Party in Power. How will we use this power? If we are smart, we will use this power to make the cats happy.see more crazy cat picsOtherwise, we will suffer the fate any tyrannical power exercises over a disgruntled Constituency. We might not be murdered in our beds, but those citizens can make our lives miserable instead of happy when we do not fulfill their needs.This is where we increase our efficiency by having more cats. When we harness the considerable abilities of multiple cats, we find that more cats are less work. Before we can get any cats to do what we want, we must first convey our request. They must have the trust enough to study us while we use our body to act out the shared interest or concern we are also speaking of. This is how we manage our vital office of communication.Between cats, it is all body language; the nudge on the shoulder to get someone’s attention, the paw on the face to wake them up, the eye-ear signal that says something interesting has been discovered.If we are involved with the kitty soap opera that is the Multiple Cat Option, we will see shared investigations, epic wrestling bouts, and even some dramatic tableaus. The cats will act out such important cat topics as The Food Bowl Is Empty, All the Bell Balls are Under the Couch, and the three part, festival version of The Suspects In The Torn Magazine Incident Are Sorry.Just as we generate more ideas when we share them with others, so do our cats. They will be more likely to make specific requests that have had the benefit of "cat think tanks," and become more easily able to convey them to us.This leads us to the most powerful cat move of all. It is the maneuver that requires planning at the beginning, patience during the developmental phase, and then a restful cruise to cat civilization.It is the Two Cat Addition.The beauty of the two cat addition it that is works with any number of cats, from zero to infinity. If we feel uncertain of finding the right cat, we can make our task easier by getting two.Cats who feel better able to communicate with other cats will have a neutral cat to turn to. We will be able to smooth each cat's rough edges if they come into a new environment, together. Cats in shelters which have socialization facilities will have already made friends, at any age.If they have not already made friends, try to get the age of the two cats to vary by no more than few years,. If we have an echo of the most recent stage in the older cat we get, and the younger will grow into the stage the older is now, we will create bridges of understanding between them. They will be more likely to have matching activity levels. If the cats have not met before, use the Cat Types to make sure one of them is a Beta.We can add this Cat Coalition into the house more easily than a single cat. They are not alone with no one watching their back. They are proving to the other cats that they are capable of socialization. They will have someone to play with, someone to eat with, and someone to visit the litter with, thus easing their low stress integration with these vital parts of their lives.Getting two cats instead of one helps cat novices with the most difficult cat relationship of them all, First Cat and Second Cat, and and have it handle itself. It lets us take two cats and automatically make fewer mistakes when we add to more cats of any number.Yes, it’s a commitment to cats. It’s a smart commitment to cats. That’s part of cat self-maintenance domination in all categories.Half of all people with cats have more than one. More than half of the one-cat people want to have another cat. But, sometimes, they are afraid.Afraid of the very problem getting two cats together solves.----Got here from a Link or Search?There's more to The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See my LATEST CAT ADVICE. |
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Getting the Cat to the Vet
Tue, 01 Apr 2008 22:54:00 +0000 Getting the cat to the vet is always the tough part. First of all, they know something is up. Second of all, they know the sight of a cat carrier is never a good thing. Third, and most importantly, we have to get them into the cat carrier.see more crazy cat picsSpeed is our friend. Have the carrier set up and ready to accept the cat before getting the cat. Don’t tip our hand; cats can hide really well. Don’t call the cat over, or we risk weeks before the cat will come when called again. Coming upon them when they are sleeping may seem like dirty pool, but there's no good way to broach this topic.Top loading carriers have a great advantage, but even the conventional carriers can be adapted. Set them up with the door facing upwards. Then lower the cat into it hind legs first. Don't falsely economize with carriers that are too small or too flimsy for large or determined cats. We will be using this product many times, under periods of stress. Don't add to it.Once Mr. Bond was so determined to not go to the vet that he broke out of his plastic cat carrier three times. He didn’t put a paw on us, or try to hurt us. He would get put in the cat carrier and then he’d bend the plastic door until the supporting pins popped out. The third time I had Dear Husband hold the door closed while I sealed the door shut in the only way open to me; by wrapping the carrier completely with duct tape. That’s a way to get noticed in the vet waiting room.After that incident, a dear friend got me a soft, top loading carrier. I can carry them in my arms, which is reassuring, but I can still belt them into the car for the trip because this style has a solid bottom. Any carrier can have the seat belt pulled through the handle on top, and it's a good safety procedure. Choose one that can be cleaned easily, for obvious reasons.Don’t think we can dispense with the carrier. Cats don’t want to go, and it’s better that they associate this unpleasantness with the carrier, not us. Also, we have to get to the vet’s office somehow, and we don’t want the cat getting away from us or wedging themselves under the brake pedal. Cats who are determined to get away from the current unpleasantness have been known to worm their way under the back seat of a car and refuse to come out. Avoid at least this much mayhem by getting a sturdy carrier, and using it.Expect that they will wail all the way there and eject what seems to be half their fur with amazingly long trajectories. Lawrence was a particularly nervous specimen. I would find his silvery white fur on the roof liner. Talk to them, explain what's going on, and if they have a song, sing to them. This tip from a Faithful Reader turned out to work well.Once at the vet, stay with the cat as much as possible. Good vets encourage us to bring the cat into the examining room and stand by to be a source of information and reassurance. Routine checkups and other procedures that take place in the room should always feature us there as a symbol of Home and Going Back There Eventually. Cats who have already experienced one abandonment are particularly sensitive to this possibility, but all cats worry about losing us.Going home, especially after the first time, when they start seeing a pattern, will usually lessen the expressions of nervousness, but not always. Keep them in the carrier until we are safely home.Once home, let them alone. It's okay to follow them around and explain that we don't like it either, but don't try to scoop them up and cuddle them; they will be afraid of Round Two. Let them get their act together, clean the smell reminders from their fur, and feel settled before we expect things to go back to normal again.Which it does. Having a trusting, close relationship means the cat might not understand what we are doing; but they will trust us that it had to be done. If we have taken the cat in for a problem which then gets better, they will connect their increased sense of well-being with the unpleasant, but ultimately not-too-bad, experience of visiting their medical professional.Which, after all, no one likes.----Got here from a Link or Search?There's more to The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See my LATEST CAT ADVICE. |
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When They Don't Want a Cat
Mon, 31 Mar 2008 01:10:00 +0000 What if we want a cat, but we live with people who don't? What if our parents, roommates, or Significant Other don't want a cat? What do we do?We have to figure out what is behind the word, "no."Some people just don't care for pets. Period. They find the bother and responsibilities to be not worth what they might get out of having any pets, of any kind. It's unlikely we can persuade such people otherwise.Where we might have some leverage is when the person claims to specifically not want a cat. That's because their objections have to be misconceptions. Because, what's not to like about a cat?see more crazy cat picsSo listen carefully to the person's objections, and see if you can counter them with some well-reasoned arguments.I don't like cats because:They are sneaky, treacherous animals. It's true, cats are great at soundlessly appearing out of nowhere. That's one of their predatory advantages. People only find this disconcerting when they are uncertain about the cat's motives. This objection is grounded in a person's unfamiliarity with the ways cats feel and express affection. They don't want an animal around they can't feel close to, so we're actually dealing with a potential "pet lover" who needs more information.Handle this by sharing one's own insights into cats. Cat food commercials invariably show a cat expressing affection to their human. Point out the signs to look for. Remember, animal actors are all method actors, and especially cats. Dog actors will go get things or bark on command, but cat actors will only express what they really feel. They can't fake it.Cats aren't good company. People who know and love dogs are familiar with the ways dogs love being near us, and the overt ways they express it. When they don't see this behavior in cats, they conclude cats are not companionable.If we want to go hiking, dogs are the best choice. But for companionship, cats are equally sweet, and even more interested in our little ways of amusing ourselves. For someone who wants animal interaction at home, even while they are doing other things, cats are the better choice.Cats aren't any fun. This is because they can't see what to do with a cat, and have trouble imagining what cat fun is like. They see dogs as interactive. They don't see cats that way.Cats are a different kind of interactivity. While they are fun to play with, there's also the element of psychological interplay that cat fans find so appealing, and non-cat fans don't know exists. Cats regards us as toys. What makes us laugh? What will we do if they do this or that? What do we like to do, and can they do it too? Some of the enjoyment of cats comes from realizing how much they think, and getting glimpses into these thought processes. People who want interactivity will get more of the mental variety than they thought possible.Cats can't be trained. Here the person is envisioning having an animal they feel they have no control over, and so must put up with anything they don't like. Of course, this isn't true. Cats can be trained, but it requires a different set of techniques than dogs do. A lot of the cat's reputation as untrainable actually should be blamed on the humans not using the right procedure. That's hardly the cat's fault.Dogs are more obedient as a baseline, though in actuality, not many people have all that much control over their dogs. For every dog we see trotting along at heel, there are at least three more lunging all over the place. But people don't blame the dogs. They blame the people. This is also true of cats, though what we ask of them, and what they might want to do, is different. But a cat with a close relationship with us will do almost anything to please us. Once they know what we want.In a lot of ways, cats don't need to be trained nearly as much as dogs do. Litter box training and scratching post etiquette, the basics all kittens should have, are incredibly simple compared to housetraining and keeping ahead of puppy chewing. With proper understanding, cats are sooooo easy.Cats aren't affectionate. This is probably the biggest misconception of all. And it's entirely untrue. Properly treated, cats are capable of incredible devotion.That's the catch. Dogs will love us no matter how badly they are treated, while cats expect some effort on our part. I don't have a problem with that. Relationships should be reciprocal, shouldn't they? No one should worry they can't hold up their end with a cat. The biggest problem is when people don't even start, feeling their overtures will be useless.They don't have to worry.So we should be respectful of other's wishes, while they should be respectful of ours. If our people are open to a pet, it's a great chance to spread cat understanding over the rest of the world.The cats will appreciate it. In time, so will the people.- - -Got here from a Link or Search?There's more to The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See my LATEST CAT ADVICE. |
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Purebred or Mixed Breed: What It Means
Fri, 28 Mar 2008 00:57:00 +0000 People have misconceptions about what purebred means. They often think that having a pedigreed cat implies some kind of quality, as thought a purebred is somehow better than a mixed breed. But that is not what it means.A purebred is a recognized breed whose parents were both recognized breeds. And that's it. That's all it means.Where did these breeds come from? From all kinds of cats who weren't purebred. Random mutations, favorite cats with traits people liked, new combinations of other breeds; do it long enough, make it popular, draw up some rules that say what the cat is, and bam! You've got a purebred. This breed is known as a Foldex, out of Canada, circa 1998. Darned cute, and a sweet personality. Will they catch on? Only time will tell. The first ones were mixed breeds. Now, it's a purebred.The reason for purebreds is not that they are inherently better. They are, however, more predictable. If we like a certain look or a certain personality, getting a purebred which matches what we are looking for gives us better odds.We should look for a purebred cat when:we want a particular lookwe want a predictable personalitywe want a kitten we know has been treated well since before birthThere are abundant rescue organizations for the different breeds. Anyone who really wants a breed can get one. But while breeds are popular, they are far outnumbered by mixed breed cats, and those who have mixes are just as happy with their choice.There are some drawbacks to purebreds, be they cats, dogs, or in the case of certain monarchies of Europe, people. The restricted gene pool can draw out genetic weaknesses. Such delightful traits as the Siamese's love of talk or the Persian's cute nose can go too far in certain kittens, who will then display extremes that aren't as charming. Just as with dogs, there are "kitten mills" who breed the cats for money, not love. This results in kittens who are too shy, too aggressive, or too sick to lead a happy life.We should always be wary of backyard breeders and bargains. That way lies heartbreak, and perpetuates cruelty.If we want a purebred kitten, we should commit to the right way of obtaining one. Research the breed, so we know what to expect and look for in the kittens and their parents, at least one of which should be on the premises. Good breeders raise the kittens "underfoot," and make sure they are socialized early and well. They make sure the kittens are vet checked and have their early vaccinations. They ask questions about our living situation, who will be taking responsibility for the kitten's care and well-being, and will discourage thoughts of not altering the kitten.That's right. They don't want other people to breed cats; unless they are willing to put in the care and respect for the breed that is a hallmark of a good cat breeder. Participation in shows and championships for their cats is one way we can tell the breeder takes their responsibilities seriously. Though I give equal weight to how well a breeder understands the breed, enjoys it, and can give a rundown on each kitten's personality, leading to a good guess about the kind of cat they will grow up to be.Mixed breed cats often don't have these advantages. They can be the product of random breeding, usually by people who don't care enough about their cat to take care of them properly, and carried by mother cats who are too young for the role, have trouble getting enough food, and only dream of vet care. The resultant kittens are rescued off the street, plucked from roadside ditches, or given away in parking lots.Yet... these kittens grow up to be great cats.Cats have a magical way of beating bad odds. Some cats get intervention soon enough to make a huge difference. Some cats are the result of accidents by well-meaning owners, who take care of the kittens the best they can and find them homes. A lot of them, like RJ, are so inherently loving not even the worst beginning can ruin them beyond repair.Because every kitten has a genetic heritage. Whether it's described on paper or inscribed in their little faces. Even the most meticulous breeder, or the most careless of circumstances, are no guarantee, one way or another, of how the cat will turn out. The first cloned cat, Carbon Copy, was created in Texas. But they are not identical. Her patches (almost all calicoes are female) are not the same as her donor cat's patches.It seems that the genes can be the same, but their expression is still random. We can duplicate the genetic code, but not the environmental factors which switch these codes on or off.Each cat is different.Whether we carefully deliberate over kittens from a good breeder, or drop by the shelter to see who's there, choosing is still up to us. It is probably the only factor we truly have control over. The more we have decided what we'd like in a cat, and how to recognize it when we see it, the greater our chances of getting the cat we want.No matter where the cat might come from.Anything we like in a purebred can be found in a mixed breed. Any length or texture of hair, any shape of nose or eyes or tail. Huge Chunky chocolate bar paws or dainty little pointy paws. A range of personalities more varied than all the sample colors at the hardware store.Cat or kitten, purebred or not, choosing carefully before we take the cat home is only the beginning of the cat relationship. It's not the last decision we will make. Every day we have the ability, and the opportunity, to shape our interactions with the cat towards happiness; or towards misery.Nature has already spun the big wheel, and formed the cat we are contemplating. But the environment will be equally influential.And that's us.----Got here from a Link or Search?There's more to The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See my LATEST CAT ADVICE. |
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One Person Cats
Tue, 25 Mar 2008 23:35:00 +0000 Some cats seem to be One Person Cats. They devote their energy and affection to one person, and have the reputation of ignoring other people in the household. This is a somewhat misleading designation. There's more to explore in the One Person Cat dynamic.Some breeds have the reputation of One Person Cats, such as the Chantilly/Tiffany, Manx, Occicat, Siamese, Somali, and Turkish Angora. This isn't a purebred trait, though, since many people have told me about their seriously mixed breeds who attach themselves to one person.It's not a breed trait so much as a state of mind that creates a One Person Cat. These cats are happiest with a high degree of interaction and trust, and, once this is established, they will not be driven to seek that same level with another person.Since they have a high need for affection and closeness, they have untapped potential to offer these gifts to someone else, too. This potential is not realized when other people in the household decide the One Person Cat stops there. They do not.For instance, there's RJ. Within five seconds of RJ's first meeting with Dear Husband, I knew they had a special bond, and I said so. Dear Husband was disbelieving at the time. After all, RJ freely bestowed affection on me, to the point that he would spend ten minutes on one lap, and then switch to another. I could pick him up and cuddle him and get purrs. He would seek me out for affection, and act distressed when I went out. It was, and is, obvious he loves me. Too.Yet as time went on, it was just as obvious that the special bond I noticed was still operating. RJ's favorite spots were always near the places where Dear Husband spent most of his time. It was Dear Husband who got the melting-into-the-lap moments, the little chirps of inquiry, and the google-eyed, share this with me, seeking out interactions. It's not that I wouldn't get those times. It's that Dear Husband got more of them, and got them first.Yes, RJ is a One Person Cat. It's not that Dear Husband is home more, and thus gets to feed and play with the cats more, though that is true. Dear Husband gets plenty of cuddling and care from Mr. Bond. When Dear Husband is feeling low, it is Mr. Bond who draws my attention to the fact, and will push open the door to the bedroom to sleep on the bed, offering consolation in the only way he can.Yet I am, and will always be, Mr. Bond's Special Person.Some cats do not single out. They are capable of being equally adoring with any person who can win them over. It's not that their affection and trust is any less than the One Person Cat's. It's that they have a lower threshold for invoking it, one which more people can easily meet.The One Person Cat personality has extra helpings of caution and demand. It takes more devotion and effort to convince them we are trustworthy, but once the tide has turned, the One Person Cat gives themselves over to their Special Person, who has shown themselves to be worthy.The responsibility of being a Special Person to such a cat cannot be taken lightly. They will pine when we are away, expect to be fussed over after every absence, and require daily attention and affection for them to feel secure.The bestowing of Special Person status is only when a person has already established such a standard; they have shown that Their Cat is likewise worthy. We cannot let the side down, despite the press of other demands on our time and attention. The One Person Cat cannot easily switch to another person, and neglect will leave them bereft.However, this doesn't mean the One Person Cat cannot love other people. In fact, they should love other people. The catch is that they can only love people who love them back, properly. If other people shower them with the requisite fascination, the One Person Cat can become the More-Than-One Person Cat.This cannot happen in a household where the other people feel the cat's heart is already taken, and never make the effort required to be their friend. It's true, the cat will only have one Special Person. But these are cats with great potential for affection. They have room for any number of Also Special People.The One Person Cat will not be swayed by sporadic, half-hearted attempts. To get their considerable devotion, we must be willing to bestow considerable devotion as a token of our good faith. Once captured, the cat will give a great deal to their new friend, and will have a go-to person for times their Special Person is not available.It's also important for the Special Person to encourage the cat to reach out to other people. The One Person cat is highly sensitive to the displeasure of their Special Person. Jealousy or possessiveness on the part of the Special Person would discourage the cat from showing affection to others. But this isn't fair. There will be more love for everyone when all parties can freely be affectionate with each other.I may not be RJ's favorite. But just today, he's spent a few hours asleep against my leg. He talks to me, is interested in what I do, and loves my cuddling. It doesn't matter that I don't have 100% of RJ's heart. I love him, which means I'm glad he has someone he can give all of his heart to.99% of a heart, when it is as big as RJ's, is still a wonderful thing to have.----Got here from a Link or Search?There's more to The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See my LATEST CAT ADVICE. |
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Dear Pammy, Am I in a Love Triangle?
Sun, 23 Mar 2008 23:11:00 +0000 A reader writes:It doesn't seem fair. I feed the cat, play with her, and we have a close relationship. Yet the moment my Significant Other walks through the door, she's after them for affection, even though they don't fuss over her as much as I do. What gives?Dear Reader,From the perspective of the one who fusses over the cat more, it would seem the Fusser should get more affection. And does the Fusser get more affection?Most likely.Just by virtue of being there for the cat more, the Fusser has a greater opportunity to get attention from the cat. The Fusser is getting more. Why, then, will the cat ask for attention from someone who does not fuss as much?Because they do not fuss as much.The cat knows they are interesting and delightful. Their Fusser tells them so. They wonder why Significant Other does not recognize this fact. They are trying to evoke the same reactions from the Other as they get from the Fusser.It's a compliment to the Fusser that they have raised a secure and confident cat. One who feels comfortable seeking out affection from someone who, it is to be hoped, is an important person to their Fusser. Doesn't it please the Fusser that the cat is trying to love what the Fusser loves? Even though they might not get as much attention from the Other?The cat is actually trying to make the Fusser happy.Would it help family relations if the cat ignored the Other's affectionate overtures? Gave them the cold shoulder because they didn't get "enough fussing" from the Other?Cats don't calculate that way. And neither should we.Love is both the most powerful and the most misunderstood emotion on earth. It's greatest misconception is when we regard such a powerful force as something finite.Something we should hoard as a miser guards their gold, never deriving any pleasure from it, considering any expenditure as something which detracts from its sum.We cannot regard love as something material and inert. Love is organic and alive. Thus, it is something which grows when fed, and expands to fill any welcoming environment.Whatever the Other's reasons for not fussing over the cat as much as the Fusser does, it can only be a good thing for them to feel kindly towards the cat. Encouraging this relationship creates a happier Other, a happier Fusser, and a happier cat.Cats are capable of creating relationships among every member of the household. These will naturally differ, as all relationships do, depending on what each brings to the table. But jealousy and rivalry never results in more love, but less. Showing displeasure when the cat enjoys another person or engaging in a "fuss war" to see who the cat loves most reduces the amount of love available to all.It's confusing enough for a secure and confident cat to discover they are the inexplicable source of tension in the family. It's disastrous to create this added stress for an insecure or troubled cat, who will react with hiding and behavioral problems.Not more love, but less.----Got here from a Link or Search?There's more to The Way of Cats than the article you are reading now. See my LATEST CAT ADVICE. |
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