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What Do You Mean, Lunatic?
Tue, 19 Feb 2008 23:32:00 +0000 I don’t watch much TV, but tonight I caught a few shows. I like the upbeat announcer’s voice that always says, “New Episode coming next week.” But as a title came up that said “The Strike is over!” he said in his excited voice, “New Episodes coming in July.” I know these things take time to get going again, but I don’t see the problem… you write a script today, shoot it tomorrow, do a quick edit and air next Tuesday. Whatever happened to “The Show Must Go On?” Actually, I’m not all that serious… Making a movie takes so much time… every step of the way. It’s like moving… it’s endless… and after you pack up that last box, your stuff seems to multiply and there’s even more. Editing a movie is like that “Outer Limits” where the world slows down to a crawl around you… where for every hour that passes, actually only a second has gone by, and everyone appears to be motionless. (Kind of like waiting in line at the post office) Well, I was happy to see a new review from “Blood Sucking Babes” on Sleazegrinder today. It’s nice when a reviewer “gets it.” My favorite line was “…Director Bowman is either a genius or a lunatic. I’d bank on the latter…” Most reviewers just stop at the “lunatic” line: http://sleazegrinder.com/garb_2-2008.htm I also liked “…a low-budget, blood-splattered jiggle-fest…” The picture is from the beach attack scene. Yes, it seemed like we had gallons of that mint-flavored blood. None of the actors have been able to drink a bloody mary since! |
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My Valentine's Date
Thu, 14 Feb 2008 05:16:00 +0000 On Valentine’s Day, I want to take my date to the most romantic place in the world. Not Paris… not Rome... but the Drive-in Movies! It’s as ancient a practice as carving stone or painting on cave walls, I know, but an evening at the drive-in was really special. Now, a lot of people today think taking your date to the Drive-in was just an excuse to get out of the house and make-out. But that’s not true… it was the atmosphere – the crackly speakers, the Announcements to go get your popcorn, enjoying a movie without ever getting out of your car. It’s all about the mood. What was great too, was that they were double features. This was a great way to see offbeat B-Movies you otherwise may not have otherwise seen. I saw lots of movies, but for some reason, a movie that sticks out in my mind… I think the last one I ever saw in a drive-in is “The Last Detail” with Jack Nicholson. A Navy kid is taken out by his buddies to have one last hurrah before he’s locked up. Regular movie theaters today aren’t the same, but they have their own special mood, too. The feel of finding that good seat, and getting more popcorn that you could ever possibly eat is kind of a tradition. It’s so ingrained in us, that even though you’re on a diet… watching every fat gram during the week, being in a theater somehow makes it okay to pour butter flavored goop made of plastic or something, all over your popcorn – it’s all part of the mood. Think about it - If mood wasn’t that big a deal, you could go on, let’s say… a picnic date. Why go to a park with all those ants and bugs? Why go to the beach, where you crunch down on little sand grits in your sandwich, no matter how careful you are? You really could just lay your picnic blanket out in the middle of the living room floor… but you don’t, because it’s the mood and atmosphere that’s important. It’s worth all the little inconveniences. Why then, do we download movies on our Ipods? How romantic is that? Do you and your date huddle in close to see the screen? Do you hang the Ipod on a wire from the ceiling so you can pretend you’re looking up at the big screen? Technically, you and your date don’t even need to be in the same room if you both have an Ipod. I guess the good thing is, that it opens up the dating possibilities. This Valentine’s Day I’m not limited to going on a date with a lady who lives nearby. This saves on gas too. I can have a movie date with a lady in Toronto… or New York, or Italy. We could download the same movie at exactly the same time. We can pop our own microwave popcorn and watch the movie together… even though we’re thousands of miles apart. Now, there’s another thing you can add to make your Valentine’s Night special… The reaction of the person you’re with is important while you’re watching a movie… and exchanging a few laughs together during it… So you can both set up a web cam on yourselves, and glance over at each other anytime you want. I’m sure you can coordinate the start of the movie at the same time, so your reactions will be right on. With a simple microphone, you can share laughs during the movie and even some romantic whisperings. With an Ipod or cell phone, you don’t have to deal with the crunching of gravel as cars pull into the drive-in a little late or any other annoyances. It’s totally romantic… just she and I… and our Ipods watching “The Last Detail!” Technology just keeps getting better and better… I’m feeling romantic already! |
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Atention All Major Studios!
Wed, 13 Feb 2008 05:02:00 +0000 It’s a beautiful day today and the strike is over! I am sitting here at Swork having my second cup of dark coffee, glad that the writers are happy with their deal. As I write this, and the industry is starting up in full gear again… don’t take this as a strong hint… but it does cross my mind that people are often “discovered” sometimes just from their Blogs. You get a sense of them through their writing and might hire them. I am not pushy at all, as you know if you’ve been following my Blogs… but I am sitting here at Sworks in my grungy sweats and 3 Stooges t-shirt… sort of hanging out. I might even go for a third or fourth cup of coffee. I am enjoying myself today, but if perchance I am “discovered”… that’d be nice too! Just to let you know, though… I’m not talking about being offered any kind of fancy studio directing job. Even though I have to struggle with a tight budget on my indie movies, I get to call all the shots and do whatever I want… I am in total creative control… so if I like a guy in my horror movie to twist slightly to the left and look dazed and drool while eaten by a cute half naked cannibal, that’s how it’ll be. Oh, of course it’d be nice to direct a studio movie, but I would need to do things my own way. Now, Acting, on the other hand… that sounds much more intriguing! I was fortunate to play one of the most fun acting roles I’ve ever done - the gun-cradling Sergeant Bjorn Free in Scott V. Buchanan’s PSO-LA (Private Security Officer- Los Angeles). You can see the trailer here: http://PSOLA.com. It’s like the CSI Shows, but this is the story of Private Security Officers let loose on Los Angeles. I played the uptight Sergeant to renegade Security Officers played by Danilo Mancinelli and Mark Norris. Visit the site and it’ll just start playing. Uh – I notice my cell still isn’t ringing and my kirkfilms@hotmail.com email is awfully quiet too. Well, I think I’ll go in for one more cup of coffee. You know where I am! |
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Messages for 6205 AD
Tue, 12 Feb 2008 01:17:00 +0000 I remember after my movie Premiere of “Sex Chocolate & Zombie Republicans” ten years ago, one guy in the audience said, “I loved the movie overall, but why do the Zombies drool green gel first, then their faces turn white, while later the zombie faces turn white right away… but they never drool the green gel – they just growl? Were they part of the undead? – I’m confused.” Hmmm… I think I probably told him that as the Zombies are exposed to air for a few days in the summer heat, they start to dry up (but actually the sale on the case of lime jello expired before we shot those last scenes.) I guess the point is that lots of things happened in this movie: Right wing zombies crash into a house during a slumber party – one rips the framed bill of rights off the wall and eats it… a conservative little old lady eats a VHS tape with a provocative picture on the cover, slurping the tape like spaghetti. One zombie kidnaps the Latina maid to take her back over the border before her fiancé arrives. In the meantime, there’s a Right Wing BBQ, where they burn books instead of burgers - books that the religious right doesn’t happen to approve of… like those crazy science books that seem to think the planet is over 6000 years old! Then, the architect father (played by me) designing a park, goes “rabid,” and turns it into a prison instead …Then, the Right wing zombies try to force their ideas on the entire world. (Sound familiar to anything going on right here today???) Now, most people that see the movie “Sex, Chocolate & Zombie Republicans” realize that it’s not about “Republicans” – it’s not really a political piece. It’s a satirical look at right wing fanatics – their ways, not their beliefs. Now, I’m not saying anything negative about right wing fanatics – I adore ultra conservative folks! I’m even not disagreeing with their belief that we coexisted with dinosaurs and Noah saves them all from the storm in his Ark. There are over 700 named species of dinosaurs x 2= at least 1400 dinosaurs of all shapes and sizes on Noah’s Ark with all the other animal pairs in the world, but who knows? Maybe Noah just built a pretty big ship. Let’s say 1400 dinosaurs and all other animals on the planet got along for 40 days and 40 nights on a boat… a little tough, but could work, right? Okay, I’ll have a little faith! What the movie is about is the right wing fanatics’ insistence on censoring science books that disagree with them. Even though scientists could be absolutely crazy to think the world might have been formed over 6000 years ago in any more than seven 24-hour days, should these wacky off-the-wall scientific notions like that be censored? That “Lucy” skull wasn’t even real – it was probably a prop left behind from some low budget horror movie! “Sex, Chocolate & Zombie Republicans” did have more of a message than a lot of my films. Plus, in a few hundred years, when this planet Earth gets to be 6,205 years old, maybe our great-great grandchildren will look back and shake their heads in dismay, right? |
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Message in a Bottle
Mon, 11 Feb 2008 03:33:00 +0000 As I sit here at Swork Coffee House thinking about movies, I realize that what a film is saying is more important than ever, today. Viewers are demanding messages they can relate to. Movies will endure generations after we’re gone, so their messages are really like “time in a bottle,” to later be watched over and over and appreciated. I thought about it, and what my message would be in “Blood Sucking Babes from Burbank” – “If your girlfriend starts rubbing jewels all over herself, strips and grows fangs, don’t try to reason with her – get the hell out of there!” How’s that? In Curse of the Pink Panties, the message is also clear… “If you’re a model, and evil spirits inhabit your panties… compassion and understanding is sure to work better than trying to destroy the pesky little demons.” (See Photo) After trying everything, Becca plays her guitar and sings a love song she wrote to the tough gangster in her panties, and he zooms out into the air before his head explodes… kill them with kindness! Okay, maybe there’s not a super strong message in these movies. I don’t know what they put in this coffee today... I guess you should look at Cranium Candy Movies by, well… please refer to item #2 in yesterday’s post, “Blood and Guts.” Actually though, one of the things that worked well in “Babes” is Felicity’s eerie feelings about the attacks – that cannibalism is not as abhorrent as it appears… that in nature, creatures like the black widow spider and the preying mantis devour their mates. Zack is incredulous and sickened hearing Felicity so casually and logically putting this all together. The female eating her mate alive and leaving behind an empty shell blowing in the wind… sounds a little like… marriage! Okay, just kidding there. But that comparison to facts in nature gave this offbeat B-Movie a disturbing base. Seriously, there’s no reason why a fun, wacky comedy or campy horror can’t show you something in a very unique way and make you think. Okay… In “Curse of the Pink Panties,” one of the girls is so tormented by the demonic little spirit living in her panties, that she douses them with her grandmother’s perfume. This is a clear message about using tacky, flowery perfumes as a weapon… Well, okay, enough of this. I’m putting down the dark coffee right now, and ordering an herb tea. Next post, though, you’re not off the hook… I’m going to tell you about a wacky movie I did 10 years ago, where the message and predictions have all come true in a very scary way. |
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Blood and Guts
Sun, 10 Feb 2008 01:44:00 +0000 We must apologize. If you picked up a copy of “Blood Sucking Babes from Burbank,” and have a weak stomach, the blood and gore may have really gotten to you. The attached picture is a blood sucking babe that won’t let this guy in the bar go sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong! Here’s a couple sentences from a random review of “Blood Sucking Babes from Burbank” I ran across. Dr. Gore, who reviews hundreds of horror movies, says this, “It’s as if the movie penetrated my eyes and blasted through the back of my skull. Images of babes and blood sucking were playing on the wall behind my head as my scrambled brains couldn’t keep up with the cheap carnage.” It’s true – “Babes” just might scramble your brains a little bit. Should I put a Warning on the DVD box cover? I’ve thought about that. There are two ways you can watch a Cranium Candy movie like “Blood Sucking Babes from Burbank”: 1. Create a think-tank. Invite several scholars and insert DVD. Pause at key points to discuss the movie. “Yes, the cannibal girl had her breasts exposed in the bar for 3.4 seconds…. That seems adequate.” “Hmmm… Felicity never explains her inner feelings when she first saw a girl turn into a zombie. Now let’s analyze how the guys turn their heads when the cannibal-chick bites their necks.” 2. Listen to Dr. Gore… After a long week at work you get 5 of your rowdiest friends over – get bags of chips and the fattest, greasiest pizza you can find… and stick a large keg in the middle of the room. Put the DVD in… and get your brain blasted out the back of your skull! I won’t even go into the details of which of the above works best, but you get the idea… Have a fun movie night! |
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Nudity Required
Tue, 05 Feb 2008 06:19:00 +0000 Call me crazy… I don’t like shooting nude scenes. It’s a lot of work. The lighting has to be absolutely perfect, since everything’s all right out in the open. If you show too much, it could actually prevent sales to some countries since all their rules are different on what’s acceptable to be seen or not. You have to show just enough to make the viewer want to see more. A love scene is usually shot in such short clips from many different angles and dissolved together to make it more fluid and romantic. On top of worrying about all that, you have to be constantly aware that the actors are not uncomfortable or starting to feel awkward along the way. Why have nudity? Well, for certain genres, like B-Movie horrors… that is one of their “main ingredients.” “No nudity” in a B-Movie horror would be like an action movie without the chase, or a romantic comedy with no love interest... a martini without the olive! The bottom line is, for most movies, “who is in it,” is the main selling point. Horror is one genre where that isn’t as important, and nudity kind of takes the place of the requirement of using known actors. As our friends at Maxim Media International say, “Blood, Babes and Boobs!” I remember the moment that I took nudity very seriously. I’d shot a suspense thriller years ago – “Secret Sins” – that had some nudity in it, but not a lot. There were several reasons there wasn’t much nudity – Starting the love scene at 3am after a 17 hour day kept us from making the main love scene very long… Another nude scene came out a little too dark, plus a few other logistical reasons (this was shot on 35mm film, before there was even digital). Well, “Secret Sins” was represented at AFM, so we went up to visit our distributor at that time, in their suite at the Lowe’s. He said the Japanese buyers had just been in and wanted to buy rights to that territory for over 20K, and that they came back several times, really wanting it… but they passed because there wasn’t enough nudity. That is the numbing moment that I realized that if your genre calls for nudity, it should be taken very seriously. We made other sales, which was nice, but also lost a few big ones because of this. Now, it’s true… Sometimes the sexiest scenes are where an actress is in lingerie… or fully clothed even… Just as long as the magnetism is there… and that’s what makes it work. There’s no actual nudity in my comedy “Curse of the Pink Panties,” for instance, and it opens itself up to a wider audience being more of a sexy PG-13 movie without the actual nudity. Some of the scenes are more provocative than if they had included nudity. This won’t work in a genre where nudity is totally expected, but in a sexy comedy like this, it works even better without it. Our horror movie “Blood Sucking Babes from Burbank” – a campy low budget horror - was a movie where nudity was a necessity. I was very lucky in “Babes,” that the love scene was done by people that got along really well. Mira Rayson, who plays Felicity, is a dynamic, very pretty 18 year old actress. She had met Zack, played by Danilo Mancinelli, just 2 days before the love scene… but they were totally comfortable with it, and it really had that spark. Danilo is very professional on the set, and even within the first few hours they met, they were talking through the scene and how their ideas of how it might play. A big part of the movie is that magical love scene… and after all, the magic is what it’s all about. |
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If You Could...
Sun, 03 Feb 2008 20:45:00 +0000 I was thinking more about movies having to do with time travel. There are so many missed moments you could pursue if you could race back and forth through time. If you had the means, would you go back to that one job interview you blew, and get it right this time? How about that person you let walk out of your life? Would you go back a few hours to the beginning of the Superbowl and change your bet to the Giants? Here’s something on a much bigger scale… How about chasing Jack the Ripper through time, as he spreads his murders throughout all ages? Malcolm McDowell plays H. G. Wells chasing David Warner in the 1979, “Time After Time.” As you remember, in this movie Jack the Ripper thought causing mayhem in different time periods would give him ultimate power, but when the sees the violence of today, he realizes he is just an amateur! Here’s an obscure little gem of a time travel movie… it’s not an A-title, but is well done – “Time Shifters,” about a powerful Corporation in the distant future that sends high paying individuals back in time to witness disasters like the Titanic… or plane crashes – so they’re like tourists, who are then whisked safely back to their own time just before the accident strikes. It also has an alternate title, “Thrill Seekers.” Imagine if you could go back in time to moments before a huge disaster in history… Titanic, Hindenburg… the evening of the 2000 elections (okay, sorry – just had to throw that in!) Or have you ever seen someone in a 100 year old black and white photograph that you just know is your soulmate? Christopher Reeve uses hypnosis to go back in time to meet Jane Seymour in “Somewhere in Time.” I used the idea of timing in my teen drama “Bittersweet Lies.” Nothing to do with time travel, but one of the guys – Gary - keeps dreaming about the girl he lost and if he could only go back to that moment she drove off and save her before her impending car crash. Gary’s joker-roommate just wants to go back in time to meet Lady Godiva because he’s positive she would fall all over him. Of course, two people who are meant for each other, often miss that opportunity because “it’s the wrong time.” – Oh, and by the way… I’m not plugging “Bittersweet Lies” here, like suggesting you should watch the trailer on FilmBaby right now. This is just a Blog, not an advertisement… but… after the Superbowl, and of course the new Episode of “House” with Mira Sorvino, you’re gonna be bored, right? Check out the “Bittersweet Lies” trailer: http://www.filmbaby.com/films/2410. I haven’t gotten any PayPals from any of you readers who may have won the Lotto last night because you read my Blog, which put you in the right place at the right time when you bought that ticket… so maybe reading this now puts you in line for next week’s Lotto? Let me know… I’ll be waiting! |
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It's About Time
Sat, 02 Feb 2008 16:48:00 +0000 People are fascinated with movies dealing with time travel, and the idea of “what if.” I thought of that again yesterday afternoon. I was in a hurry to run some errands, but before I left the house I just had to review and print out a complaint letter to the CEO of TCF Bank about a gift card that I hadn’t used right away and it expired. Well, not only could I not get the $25, but for them to reimburse me the money, they said it would actually cost more than the $25 the card was worth. Such a simple time-waster to spend much time on this letter… I printed it to send later. Then, as I was heading down my residential street, I came upon an accident that had just happened probably less than10 minutes earlier – a beautiful black mustang looked like a matchbox car run over by a lawnmower in somebody’s front yard, and there was a burn mark gauged into the cement on the other side of the street right where I was about to drive by. It reminds you what a difference 10 minutes makes… or maybe even 10 seconds. Maybe it’s a good thing that stupid gift card didn’t work! Of course we all love movies like The 1960’s “Time Machine,” where H.G. Wells builds a contraption that takes him racing forward in time, through the ages. That movie was so ahead of its time… It captured the wonderment of traveling through time, as well as the perils (unlike the 2002 remake that was effects, action, effects and more action.) To me, there’s something more interesting about a snail shooting across a window as time speeds up, rather than a bunch of explosions and effects… or meeting your friend on the street years in the future, only to realize it’s your friend’s grandson. There was also a TV Show in the late 1960’s called “Time Tunnel.” Two Scientists walked down this long swirling tunnel and got sent back in time… then they got stuck. Each episode they were in a different time period, and were rescued just in time… then tossed slow motion into another time period they had to deal with. The show was way ahead of its time. Hey – I just looked it up and found out the “Time Tunnel” is on Amazon! It’s no “Terminator,” but I wonder if it still holds up. More recently, probably after “Back to the Future,” movies about time travel evolved to not needing to spend a lot of time on building some kind of machine and explaining it. In “Frequency,” Dennis Quaid plays a short wave radio operator in the 60’s, who talks with a buddy through the static, and it turns out to be his son, 30 years in the future. The son (James Caviezel) tries to save his father’s life from impending doom. No one traveled though time, but this was a really innovative use of contact between different time periods without building that whole machine-thing. “Sliding Doors,” starring Gwyneth Paltrow, shows a London businesswoman rushing to catch her subway. Through a momentary glitch in time, the doors close in front of her. Then, it follows her as she actually slips through the doors just in time. That couple seconds totally changes her life, as the movie shows both possibilities, following her lives. This is more along the lines of a “parallel universe,” rather than actual time travel. The award-winning German movie “Run Lola Run,” shows Lola racing against time to save her boyfriend’s life. After the worst possible things happen, she relives the event several times. Each time, her timing is slightly different. This not only affects the outcome for her and her boyfriend, but every person she passes on the street, showing that a split second could make all the difference in the world. The good thing in “Run Lola Run,” too, is that there was no lengthy explanation… no time warp – we just accept that this is what is happening. Who knows? …by your having spent a few moments reading this Blog, you’ll buy your lotto ticket later than you otherwise would have, and end up winning millions! (and if you do, I only want a very small commission – thanks!) |
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Let there Be Slushee
Tue, 29 Jan 2008 02:29:00 +0000 Thanks to those of you who sent in an email for a free Cranium Candy movie. If you haven’t yet, just drop us an email at craniumcandymovies@yahoo.com with the subject, “Send me a DVD!” anytime this week. We’ll pick some names next week. As I sit outside here at Swork Coffee, hoping those black clouds just keep moving on by without drenching me, I’m thinking of some new screenplay ideas. Supposedly there are no new ideas, just new twists on ideas… and I’m feeling lazy, so I’m trying to combine some of the great movies that have come out lately… My new movie is about a sweet teenage girl who gets pregnant and while pondering her situation, she finds a suitcase full of money at the scene of a drug deal gone bad. It’s all told from her point of view holding her camcorder and there’s a monster taking over her town. She suffers the pains of growing up, feeling rejected, being chased by assassins, and she befriends an odd barber from Fleet Street who burns CDs and shows her old horror movies. She gets him to get rid of the monster by trying to give the creature a shave. Hmmm, still not enough… she needs to turn into a cannibal somewhere there too and grow fangs. Juno always drinks those blue slushees, so we’ll have her drill for oil too and watch her veins pop out when she yells like Daniel Day Lewis and we’ll call it “Let there Be Slushee.” “Cloverfield” got its title from the writer giving it a working title of a nearby street. I guess I’ll call my screenplay “Brand Blvd.” No – I’ll name it after a freeway… it’ll be called “210 East!” …Okay, okay, I’ll hit the delete button right now! …Done! Well, even though that’s going a bit far, I think movies that combine lots of different elements can be really interesting. Not a bunch of plot lines, but just a nice story with a blend of comedy, drama, passion, irony, and where it’s trying to say something without hitting you over the head. Since life around us isn’t one style – it’s funny, stressful, tense, boring, etc. etc., it seems like our movies should reflect that too... right? |
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